Being a creative individual, in itself, is quite difficult. You are filled with ideas, so many ideas that at times you feel overwhelmed by them if you are not able to translate those ideas into something physical in the world. There are constant ups and downs within the creative process, and at times, this can get the best of us. Over the years we have seen many of our greatest talents in the creative realm leave us too soon, because of the demons that they could not fight during said down time. Creatives of the past remind me that I have so much to give, but those reminders are seen in not too pleasant ways, in those close to me.
I have blogged in the past about dealing with multiple deaths of both loved ones and friends in a condensed time frame, 2012 being one such year. I never went in to depth that 2013, also was a year of great loss for me, which made me reevaluate a few things in my life.
On this day, one year ago, my life was quite different. I was working in an office setting with Concrete Loop, and around the early evening time I was getting ready to attend the much-hyped Yeezus concert at Barclay’s Center. I was finishing up a Skype session with one of my favorite bands, The Internet, and getting primped to attend this monumental show with the entire Concrete Loop team. I was ECSTATIC. I got to the show, had the opportunity to hang with my lovely co-workers and other friends in the entertainment and media spheres, whilst jamming to Yeezy. How perfect is that?
The show was incredible, I get home to unwind, and I get some news from my mother. She told me that my aunt’s husband Anthony, had died that evening. Specifically, he passed away in the hospital while I was having the time of my life watching Kanye. I was crushed. I knew he was dealing with his own demons, specifically what I believe to be depression after having been out of work for sometime, which led to excessive drinking. He passed because of complications incurred from his drinking.
Anthony was always the cool uncle to me. Since he was with my aunt the majority of my life, I was able to see them grow together. He was a huge house music enthusiast, and had a collection that was to die for. I always loved to listen to music with him, because he had the greatest stories to go along with them, specifically seeing these acts live in major clubs in NYC during the early ’90s. He also was a photography enthusiast and would always have a Nikon camera present to shoot the family on holidays, scenery, and most of all, the rock of his world, my aunt.
Anthony and I had a lot in common, and because of that, I am pushed to really achieve the things that maybe he had not, to show my family, especially his young son, that there is so much to live for. We are born with gifts, and I really believe it is important to use these gifts to our highest potential. I don’t want to get all preachy, but I do believe that we go through turmoil to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I cannot say that I’ve seen the light yet, but I see the glimmers in the same way that you see rays of light across the water in the photo up top.
One step at a time they say?
*Photo by Andrea K. Castillo